I finally got to see Oasis live in the UK! They were really good, and Tim and I both really enjoyed it! That will be my fourth Oasis gig ever.. in ten years. Not that much, really.. not compared to some people.. like Tim! They played a lot of old songs, which was nice.. and they played *our* song, which was also nice :)

So that’s finally one thing off of my list of things to do while I’m living here. With the way finances are, and the economy, and all that crap, I don’t know if I’ll ever do the others.. like going to Paris, or even close by places like Bath. I have friends who have been here three months and they’re already going to see Paris :/ I’m screwed with vacations because it ends up costing me so much to go home to Canada, but I cannot give that up. I would go miserable if I didn’t have trips to Canada to look forward to. I am miserable enough reading my facebook feed, finding out all the things that are going on without me.

I miss dance so much. I would give anything for a million days of ballet, doing the splits, sharing a changeroom with girls whose jazz boots REEK, cleaning up the studio on a Thursday after Wednesday night’s annoying classes that never clean up after themselves.. ugh.. I would take it all right now. And everyone’s answer is to find somewhere to dance here. And it’s not even worth it, because it’s not the same. And I can’t make it the same. It’s not just about the dancing, it’s about the teaching, and who I’m teaching. People don’t understand that. Like there are little girls who I’ve taught since they were 5, whose parents sent me letters in July after their first year of dance, thanking me for teaching their daughter and telling me how much she is looking forward to dance in September.. letters that I have in a scrapbook because they meant so much to me. Those kids are now going into highschool and I feel like I’m missing out. It was like I was a big sister to like 50 kids, and all of a sudden I NEVER get to see them. And it sucks :/

And I feel like I have tried hard to fit in here. But I don’t fit in, and I don’t feel a part of anything except for my relationship with Tim (and I’m not belittling that.. if I didn’t care so much for him, I wouldn’t be in England, trust me.) I know we live on the complete opposite other end of Oxford from all of Tim’s friends, but they all see each other waaayy more often than we see them, and I sometimes wonder if that has anything to do with me. Sometimes I get the oddest vibe from some of them.. and I honestly don’t know how to react. Like when Tim decided to jokingly drape my shoulders in a Canadian flag during his birthday party.. to which some of the girls went “eww.. get that off of you!” I mean honestly, what does one say to that? I bite my tongue when people ask me how I like it here because I would never want to have someone tell me how much they dislike living in Canada. Or when they tell me to stop calling my purse a purse.. “it’s a handbag, this is your home now.” I feel like screaming “no it isn’t and it never will be!” but I would never be that rude. How can someone be so rude as to say “ewww” when you’re wearing your own country’s flag?

I guess I’m ranting too much but every day I feel like this and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it because no one understands. I regret how much I took Canada for granted when I was living there, and I regret walking off the plane in March before I moved here and telling my Mom that i didn’t want to leave England and come back to Canada. Everything was awesome and I didn’t see it. I really thought I had nothing to lose by moving, so that’s why I did it. In reality, I didn’t have many friends but I had so much more than that. I got to dance every day if I wanted to. I got to go to an office every day to work, which is so much more better than working from home, I don’t care what anyone says. I was really bonding with my brother, not that we’re not close now because we are, but we used to hang out together for the first time in about 10 years. We can’t hang out now and that sucks. And I really miss my gym. I definitely took that place for granted. I would give anything for a GoodLife outside our apartment :/ And those are all the less-obvious things. I miss my parents shitloads. I miss having my Aunts next door, both of whom would do anything for me. I miss the safety of my city, the fun of it, knowing where to go to buy anything I needed. Knowing the city like the back of my hand. It’s underrated, really.

I feel like a bit of a bitch for writing all this on my blog, but it’s just like anything sets me off nowadays, so I have to hold it all in. I mean, just yesterday my Dad was talking about the dog and the fact that it was snowing there.. and I was thinking how I won’t be able to see Winnie come inside after the first snow of the season, all covered in snowflakes.. and I just wanted to cry.

Boo.. enough with the depressa-post. I’ve had a headache all day, and it’s rearing it’s ugly head again.. probably from staring at the screen. I have to be up at 10 to buy Oasis tickets for Wembley next July.. so I should probably head to bed now..