I have been utter crap at posting lately. I am going back to Canada in 11 days (woo woo woo) for a whole month! And I can’t freaking wait. Tim and I spent our weekend trying to keep warm, as we are going through a cold snap. I have been doing a bit of shopping, mostly Christmas, but I also had to buy myself a new battery for the laptop. My laptop is about 15 months old, and the battery was completely shot. The health indicator on it has been showing all five lights for a while now (and that means ‘REPLACE ME NOW!’) I also ended up buying a new handbag because my turquoise one decided it didn’t want it’s lining anymore and it’s cheap nylon lining so it’s fraying into a million pieces. So I found a freaking $155 dollar Matt & Nat purse at TK Maxx (UK’s equivalent of Winners/TJ Maxx) for roughtly $80. And I love it. I’m half done my Christmas shopping as well, and the rest of it I am able to do online/in Canada so I am good. I am soooo looking forward to being in Canada for a whole freaking month! :)

I finally got to see Oasis live in the UK! They were really good, and Tim and I both really enjoyed it! That will be my fourth Oasis gig ever.. in ten years. Not that much, really.. not compared to some people.. like Tim! They played a lot of old songs, which was nice.. and they played *our* song, which was also nice :)

So that’s finally one thing off of my list of things to do while I’m living here. With the way finances are, and the economy, and all that crap, I don’t know if I’ll ever do the others.. like going to Paris, or even close by places like Bath. I have friends who have been here three months and they’re already going to see Paris :/ I’m screwed with vacations because it ends up costing me so much to go home to Canada, but I cannot give that up. I would go miserable if I didn’t have trips to Canada to look forward to. I am miserable enough reading my facebook feed, finding out all the things that are going on without me.

I miss dance so much. I would give anything for a million days of ballet, doing the splits, sharing a changeroom with girls whose jazz boots REEK, cleaning up the studio on a Thursday after Wednesday night’s annoying classes that never clean up after themselves.. ugh.. I would take it all right now. And everyone’s answer is to find somewhere to dance here. And it’s not even worth it, because it’s not the same. And I can’t make it the same. It’s not just about the dancing, it’s about the teaching, and who I’m teaching. People don’t understand that. Like there are little girls who I’ve taught since they were 5, whose parents sent me letters in July after their first year of dance, thanking me for teaching their daughter and telling me how much she is looking forward to dance in September.. letters that I have in a scrapbook because they meant so much to me. Those kids are now going into highschool and I feel like I’m missing out. It was like I was a big sister to like 50 kids, and all of a sudden I NEVER get to see them. And it sucks :/

And I feel like I have tried hard to fit in here. But I don’t fit in, and I don’t feel a part of anything except for my relationship with Tim (and I’m not belittling that.. if I didn’t care so much for him, I wouldn’t be in England, trust me.) I know we live on the complete opposite other end of Oxford from all of Tim’s friends, but they all see each other waaayy more often than we see them, and I sometimes wonder if that has anything to do with me. Sometimes I get the oddest vibe from some of them.. and I honestly don’t know how to react. Like when Tim decided to jokingly drape my shoulders in a Canadian flag during his birthday party.. to which some of the girls went “eww.. get that off of you!” I mean honestly, what does one say to that? I bite my tongue when people ask me how I like it here because I would never want to have someone tell me how much they dislike living in Canada. Or when they tell me to stop calling my purse a purse.. “it’s a handbag, this is your home now.” I feel like screaming “no it isn’t and it never will be!” but I would never be that rude. How can someone be so rude as to say “ewww” when you’re wearing your own country’s flag?

I guess I’m ranting too much but every day I feel like this and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it because no one understands. I regret how much I took Canada for granted when I was living there, and I regret walking off the plane in March before I moved here and telling my Mom that i didn’t want to leave England and come back to Canada. Everything was awesome and I didn’t see it. I really thought I had nothing to lose by moving, so that’s why I did it. In reality, I didn’t have many friends but I had so much more than that. I got to dance every day if I wanted to. I got to go to an office every day to work, which is so much more better than working from home, I don’t care what anyone says. I was really bonding with my brother, not that we’re not close now because we are, but we used to hang out together for the first time in about 10 years. We can’t hang out now and that sucks. And I really miss my gym. I definitely took that place for granted. I would give anything for a GoodLife outside our apartment :/ And those are all the less-obvious things. I miss my parents shitloads. I miss having my Aunts next door, both of whom would do anything for me. I miss the safety of my city, the fun of it, knowing where to go to buy anything I needed. Knowing the city like the back of my hand. It’s underrated, really.

I feel like a bit of a bitch for writing all this on my blog, but it’s just like anything sets me off nowadays, so I have to hold it all in. I mean, just yesterday my Dad was talking about the dog and the fact that it was snowing there.. and I was thinking how I won’t be able to see Winnie come inside after the first snow of the season, all covered in snowflakes.. and I just wanted to cry.

Boo.. enough with the depressa-post. I’ve had a headache all day, and it’s rearing it’s ugly head again.. probably from staring at the screen. I have to be up at 10 to buy Oasis tickets for Wembley next July.. so I should probably head to bed now..

I decided to write a little reflection on my lovely vacation.. hopefully over the coming months, I can look back on this and not be so depressed about not being in Canada!!

This was my first transatlantic flight with Tim, which was really nice because I am so sick of flying alone. Except that I was coughing the whole time, and the creepy guy next to me insisted on giving me medical advice. Riiiight.

I have always been “Yay Canada, we’ll kick your ass in hockey, we are the best, woo woo”, but since living out of the country, I am that way even more so now. So it’s no surprise that I get sentimental as soon as I get to wait for my luggage and watch CBC Newsworld on the monitor about the baggage carousel.

And there was nothing better than stepping out into 34C weather after living in England for 10 months!

It was so nice being able to drive everywhere myself. I am no good at driving stickshift, and the roads here confuse the crap out of me (plus the fact that all the winding roads totally throw off my sense of direction), so Tim drives all the time. But it was SO NICE to be able to drive, to know exactly where I was going, and how to get there.

I got Tim addicted to Iced Capps from Tim Hortons. Hahahha. Eating their raspberry donuts!!!

Showing up at the theatre and walking around backstage - what a weird feeling. Didn’t like that outsider feeling much though! I need to be dancing in the show! Sitting in the audience with Erin was nice - we had the best seats in the house! Meeting baby Samantha at the party! Falling in love with baby Samantha!

Sahla Thai with Susan, then having to run down St. Paul street in a thunder and lightning storm to go back to her apartment.

Getting up in the morning and picking strawberries from the garden!

Being waist-deep in Lake Ontario with Winnie on a lead, swimming. I wasn’t too sure about letting her off the lead with so many people and other dogs around, and she really wanted to go swimming, so I just went in with all my clothes on! The second time we took her, the beach was empty, so she got to swim to her heart’s content :)

Getting to attend both Erin and Jen’s bridal showers. I am so out of the loop when it comes to dance friends these days.. I’m missing Erin’s wedding next week :(( But, I did get to attend Jen’s wedding, which was amazing!

I dragged Tim to the Pen Centre 3 times in 16 days. I am a champ. Also, the Eaton Centre. And we walked down Queen St. in Toronto.

Tim driving me to Toronto for my doctor’s appointment. Wandering around downtown :) Tim, sitting on “the boyfriend bench” in La Senza. Hating on Elephant & Castle because it’s nothing like a British pub. Introducing Tim to Swiss Chalet (yummmmmmm pierogies). Dinner with 17 awesome people at Mezes. Woll Smoth. Meeting baby Marcus! Snuggling baby Marcus! Passing on the calorie-overloaded Brownie Points at Demetres for a sundae that probably had just as much. Finally getting my sweater back! Driving home from Toronto myself for the first time.

Shopping. I have three new pairs of Silver Jeans (two are Suki’s!!!!), two new La Senza bras, five new pairs of La Senza undies (yay 5 for $25!), a new pair of HOT PINK heels, a new yellow handbag, three new pairs of earrings, a new MAC eyeshadow (yay b2m), new fleece pants to keep me warm around the apartment, and a new tshirt.

Prince Edward Island for five days. The hilarity that ensued when the man sitting next to me on the plane, had the exact same lime green suitcase as me. The suitcase I bought, along with a hot pink one, specifically because “no one will ever have this luggage, so it will be easy to find mine” - Ha! My uncle stopping before the Confederation Bridge to let Tim drive over it - all 12.9km of it! Spending time with my relatives, Tim and I’s late night jaunts to KFC and the beer store.. we’re classy like that. Walking barefoot at Cavendish, even though it was fuckingcold. Stealing red clay from Cavendish!

Playing Rock Band with my brother and Tim.. I love that game!

Getting to attend a Food Friday for the first time in 10 months! Finally benefiting from the free Coke in the fridge! Harassing my brother at his desk, and teaching him some SQL. :) I’m so proud!

Picking Tim up from the sports bar by near my house, and listening to him talk about the Air Canada pilot named George that he was talking to at the sports bar. Realising that said pilot is married to a friend of my Mom’s, and has been a family friend for ages! Small world!

Going for food at all the places I’ve missed - Mick’n'Angelos, Canyon Creek, Swiss Chalet, Quiznos, Mr Sub, Garrisons, Papa Nicks, Boston Pizza. Tim having his first Schooner. Having Winnie on the patio at Port Mansion one day, being told a few days later that no dogs are allowed.

Trying to go back to Jack’s Cantina (where we went the first time I saw Tim in 8 years), and not being able to cos some old people were having a private party - ugh.

Traipsing around Queenston with Ally - seeing a baby skunk! Being rained on. Going to Williams and wondering WTF?

Shoppers Drug Mart - I forgot how much I love Shoppers. Sorry, but Boots just does not compare. Shoppers has Nicole nailpolishes (by OPI) now! I ended up buying two Nic Sticks. I wanted to buy more.

I’m sure theres more memories.. but I am too jetlagged to think anymore. We got up at 3:30 pm yesterday, and 9:30 am today. I thought I was supposed to feel relaxed after having a holiday? :)